"CALM...you want me to KEEP CALM!!!"

"CALM...you want me to KEEP CALM!!!"

Have you ever had someone tell you to keep calm in a time where you are obviously, well not calm? How did it make you feel? Did it make you feel like being calm or did it trigger you and add to a burning rage or anxiety building inside of you? Was it that sometimes it helped and sometimes it made your face go red in annoyance depending on WHO it was that said it? It's interesting isn't it... Interesting that some people trigger us and some don't.

Over the past couple of years I've started to pay more attention to which people trigger me when they speak. I have found it useful to look at it from a 'Listening to Learn' perspective rather than a 'Listening to agree or disagree' perspective. This is a technique I learned in a book called 'The Queens Code' by Alison Armstrong. (If you haven't read it then get onto that band wagon! Her teachings are so amazing for men and women - 'Keys to the Kingdom' is her first book which helped me in understanding myself when it comes to men and in understanding men more).

Now where was I? Ahh yes here we are...

Taking out the necessity of having to decide whether you agree or disagree with the person has been such a wonderful and freeing experiment. It will assist in preventing that person in using the 'Keep Calm' on us when we have obviously blown a socket as what they've said or done has triggered us! It's wonderful to learn from other peoples perspectives and if I get triggered, which still happens from time to time, I am loving that I can think about what it is that is triggering me and what perspective is this person coming from. This helps to reframe my thoughts into a learning position rather than a 'I must agree or disagree' position. The attachment is taken away...attachment, that is a blog post all in itself!

So I leave you with an awareness challenge: The next time you are finding yourself triggered or hot under the collar whilst listening to someone speak or even in reading an email, stop and think about why this person’s words are triggering you. What can you learn from their perspective? Where is their perspective coming from? And implement the ‘Listening to Learn’ technique.

Let me know how you go by posting your comments below.

Stay tuned for the next blog post about attachment...

Till then,

Be Yourself to Free Yourself.

Kara